Went out with my biological mom at 3pm.
met her at bugis...
walked around...
watch movie called inkheart
then went to swensens to eat...
food standard dropped so much...
service also sucked...
talked to mom while eating
about so many things...
her work, school, life, family, license & studies...
went home after that at about 9+pm...
then helped dad to make wanton... lols...

Friday 16th Jan - Woke up at 6am, go to school for an hour of lab then when to friend's house to chill...so boring...sms stella all day...went home at 5pm, slept and woke up at 8pm to have dinner. after that i've recevied an anonymous sms. wondering who that was...asked my friend if he gave my number to a girl he knows...after that...dunno why...he started scolding me...wth...with all his accusations and assumptions...pissing me off...even the anonymous person was scold me...damn...wtf i do sia...ended friendship over something so trivial...slept at 3+am cause i accompanied stella through the night as she had assignments to do. so just chat with her all night lols.


Saturday 17th Jan - Woke up at 9am cause my sister woke me up...telling me that our dog died...WTF! zzzz. went down to check on him...he was dead T.T sobx...heartbreaking sia...his body was like...so cold and hard =( it seems like he died at around 4-5am in the morning...damnit...so sad...sister and mom cancelled all appointments...hired a pet taxi...came around 11+am to get our dog to the hospital...when down to stevens road, mount pleasant pet hospital to have my dog cremated T.T so sad...sobx signed papers, while waiting for bus at lucky plaza, received an sms from my "friend" saying that he was sorry about last night. didnt care and went home after that...then went to meet my friend and do some stuffs, smsed stella all day too...today was so sad T.T my best buddy died...thinking of the past...from the day when i first met him, bought him, carried him and bringing him up. sobx those beautiful memories we had is something i'll never forget. he was only 2 months old then. 7 years old when he passed on =( we grew up together...and now, time has taken him away from me...haix *saddened* appreciates those who tried to cheer me up. especially my ke ai, stella and kitty.


Sunday 18th Jan - Stayed at home all day...did nothing...still thinking of my dog and smsing stella. T.T sobx. the past...haix...at night...my ke ai broke off with her bf...zzz she was so sad which somehow made me sad too...i really wish i could cheer her up someway, somehow. haix i feel so useless and helpless. seeing her like this breaks me apart. hope everything will be fine. i'd give anything just to see her smile again.


Monday 19th Jan - Its been awhile since i felt this lonely in school today...haix...heard from my close friend that my ex friend confessed to him about him having problems with me. the worst is that he changed some parts of the story...wth sia zzzz... today in school still have to face him, oh god...so sians. lonely lonely lonely loney ! argh...went home early...smsed stella before and after school. slept late at night and helped ke ai with her soical studies...chat with stella till late too.


Tuesday 20th Jan - Had a lab test for computer programming today...oh my god...it was hell lols
fail ar !!! sianz...so suay also, cause i bumped into my old flame...pff...damn suay...!! haix...stupid sia..still have to face my that "friend" again...zzz once again...another lonely day...smsed stella like always...online till late, ke ai got injured =( sobx...hope she'll be fine...haix hoping she'll take good care of herself. helped her with her principle of accounts also lols. wonder if she understands what i've taught her...hmm.


Wednesday 21st Jan - School starts at 12pm, but i went to school at 11pm, skipped the first lecture to do psychology project cause today was the dateline...haix lols...hmm rushing the project like crazy but i wasnt really doing anything =x my teammates would probably dump all the presentation stuffs on me...like always sigh...lols worst of all...my teammate included 3 useless bumps and my "friend" who quarrelled with me just the other day zzz...torturing sia...facing him...ate lunch then when to school's library to do project...after that...when for psycho lesson at 2pm...in class got no one to talk to except him...so no choice, have to talk to him...sianx...disturbed the teacher in class like always =x LOL oops? haha aiya, she teach until so slow and boring...so sian, we got to compromise to make the class happening...so time would pass faster...teacher so scared of my group...lols dont even dare to ask my group questions...cause we always shoot her back =p ahahaha. did some stupid activity in class...talk back at the teacher =x with logicness of coz xD just to prove that she's wrong haha ! after class ended at 4pm, went to the concourse to rush our project...cause the dateline was 6.30pm on that day sianz then today dunno why...my xingan would contact me, haix, the feeling was so different, i felt so hurt...cut me like a knife, talked to her awhile and i realised she forgot my character...haix maybe it's better that she forgot who i was furthermore she like contact me because the rest was busy or something...after doing the project...went to the printing room to print a soft copy and then pass it up. called the stupid teacher to ask where she was...she said IT block 5 level 1. so we went there...and realise WTF it's all lecture rooms...where got staff rooms...then call her again...now she say block 1 level 5...nvm...we walked there...when we reach...all were classrooms...wtf?? where the hell is that bitch...knn...call her again..now sibei pek cek liao on the phone we like so dulan lols then she say correct somemore...and that the lift was serving blocks 5 and 7...wtf?? our lift was serving blocks 1, 3, 4 and 5...zzz i dulan liao...i walk through level 5...to the other side we realised her staff room was at block 8 ! KNN !! CCB...!! her own staff room also dunno...asshole...confirm purposely want us to pass up late or something cause we always make her pek cek...zzz idiotic teacher...felt like giving her one time to make her see stars!!! after that, played 1 round of dota in school then went home, that's when ke ai got problems again...omg...i felt so sad T.T really felt lost and useless for the first time...argh...couldnt make her happy nor let her know what to do =(. the problem which she faced was exactly the same problem i faced 3 years ago...just that...the roles of the people involved changed...haix...so sad =( made me think of the past...but still i really wanna help my ke ai in any way i can...and make her happy T.T zzz so useless...felt so angry with myself...so i err...whacked the wall...as in punch...and...injured myself...bruised and cut, wall got the blood!!! omg...hope my dad dont see it...if not...there's gonna be hell. hand hurts sooo much...slept super late...=( stupid hand...HOPELESS!!!

Thursday 22nd Jan - School started at 9am...so boring...so we skipped some lessons, self declare school started at 11am LOLS hahas...after that went for maths then skipped another lesson at 12pm, went to Simei ITE to eat lols...crazy...first time been there...felt so weird, all wearing uniform except us. everyone looking at us hahas. eat liao, go back school...haix damn boring sia school today. finished school at 7pm...smsed stella but these days like bo reply le...dunno what happened to her...maybe im too boring bah...haix or maybe she busy if not then maybe her phone bo money T.T feel like we're becoming more distant. haix...everyone like drifting away from me...sobx...slept quite late...

Friday 23rd Jan - School started at 8am...so i had to wake up at 6am. like always, msged stella in the morning...but she replied awhile only...then later like bo reply le =( haix. making me think too much le...went school for an hour because got lab test...omg so hard...everyone like gonna fail sia...zzz i only had like 30/100 sia argh...fail le la!!! knn... finished school at 9am lols...after that when to eat something...that's when i fell sick...fuck sia...abdominal pain...argh so painful...then went home...took bus to bedok interchange...then so painful i thought aiya, take taxi bah, walked to the mrt station but no taxi...queue also so long...ARGH! fuck it la, just walk home...abdominal pain feeling worst...but bobian, just walk...endure...all the way home...zzz so hot somemore...at around 10+am le...sigh...reached home le, online then talked to ke ai...still having stupid abdominal pain. then heard her hp bo money...then my friend also call me ask me go out pei them...okay lor, sick but still i went out...buy top up card for my ke ai then meet my friend, hope she was happy. friends were play pool... i so long bo play le...confirm suck liao lols so i didnt play...was feeling so cold and the stupid pain was killing me...after that when to eat something then go home...was about to meet gzerrel and jason at night then ke ai sms me, telling me she's alone outside! =( argh...wanted to go down to meet her straight away...but something was holding me back...i really wanted to go meet her...but im afraid...if i met her...am i able to keep her entertain...haix...later her second impression of me is worst how...haix i dunno...so i ask her to join me and my friend...T.T but she didnt want to...and she already called someone else to meet her...haix...thought that could be a chance for her to know me better but...things didnt work out...so like that lor...the different side of me she could've seen. but im glad...to be able to hear her voice after such a long time...haix missed it so much...after that jason pang seh us...so we just played music...lols gzerrel played the guitar, while i sang xD woo...then smsed ke ai for awhile until she went to bed. i'd met her, if she wanted me to...if she told me to...haix...angry with myself is all i could do.

This week was boring
nothing much happened
besides waking up and going school
missing special people, meeting up with friends
and hanging out late
going home late lols.
do stupid stuffs.
13th jan the day i got to know stella =)
hehes
always chat with her hahas.
mua new friend =p
14th jan, kitty became my gan(precious)
know her for quite awhile le lols
hmm for some reason
i somehow click with these two persons lols
conversations are quite interesting :D

Went out to expo to study
studied maths and talked crap at coffee bean
what a boring day...
studied till the night around 7pm
went to subway to eat.
expo was holding their first tattoo convention
and my friend wanted to go but unwilling to spend 18 dollars for the tickets
haha cheapo...
at subway, saw someone removed his tag and left it on the table
woah...still in perfect condition
took the tag and took turns to go in.
eugene couldnt go in cause his hand was too big to wear the tag lols
so me and jeremy took turns to go in
and help eugene take free goodies hahas
after that, went home
then slept quite late...

This week was super boring...
hanging out...going home late
so that i could keep you outta my mind
it's been awhile since i've heard from her
pretending everything was fine
but these four walls close in more everyday
like a clown i put on a show
when i was with my friends
the pain is real even if nobody knows
at times i wonder
why didnt i say the things i needed to say
how could i let my angel get away
now my world is just a tumbling down
i can see it so clearly
but she was nowhere around
i carry a smile even when im broken in two
at night i lie awake even if it's a quarter pass three
screaming at night
as if she'd hear me
how blue can i get
you may ask my heart
but like a jigsaw puzzle, it's been torn all apart
a million words couldnt say just how i feel
a million years from now i hope she know i'll be loving her still
the nights were lonely
the days were sad
and i keep thinking about the love i had for her
im missing, calling, crying, dying inside
but nobody knows it but me...
being a clown, doing stupid stuffs
and talking crap to mask what i really feel on the inside...
nobody knows it but me...
9th jan...i've finally heard from her...
she's stressed out...
i felt the pain
cause she was hurt
i tried to cheer her up...
but i was useless...feeling so helpless...
she likes to keep things from me...
but i cant blame her...
hoping that her problems would be solved, if not go away soon...
im feeling so down...

uber sleepy today but still...i've got to go to school
sigh...
hoping that my ke ai wont be sent home again because of her coloured hair
and that she would enjoy her day in school...
wanted to send some smses to her
but...i hesitated...
still, in my heart, i prayed for her to be doing fine...
entire day wondering how she was...haix
why am i so troubled...zzz
sucky feeling...
recalled that she had some "meeting"
haix...hope she doesnt go astray...
school was super boring...
time passed extremely slow...
why are you always in my mind
everytime...everywhere...
lecture was cancelled...
so sat down somewhere with naku and bryan to slack
naku told me about weekend stuffs
clubbing and stuffs like that...
about dancing, drinking and girls
lols...
seems kindda cool...i think hahas
grinding and stuffs like that lols
what sort of girls were present
and what happened
hahas so funny...
hmm...after that wanna jio me go club together wor
lols...lets see what happens there
saturday night woots
damn, i cant imagine myself dancing...
hahas
will see how it goes
heard from him that the girls are hot O.O
we'll see about that this saturday
hopefully no one sabo me
keeping my fingers crossed xD
weee

Had a boring weekend
stayed at home and did nothing
just accompanied my ke ai when she needs someone
played games and chat with her.
she got upset...
because of some issues
sometimes i wish i knew what to say
like how i could few years ago...
giving a very meaningful response to her when she's down
really wonder where did that part of me went...
hopefully i can find the pieces back again...
it hurts each time she's down
but i doubt she knows that
so...ah, what the heck...
doesnt matter anyways...
will there be a day, when you see the real me...
and realise im not that difficult to understand...
hmm...
most people would agree that im hard to understand...
anti-social...keeps things to oneself...different from how i am virtually...
anyways keep my cool...and gives a "creepy" feeling...
lols...
really...amazing...
see through these and you just might understand and see the real me...=)

Woke up at 6am
Smsed Ke Ai around 7am
went to school to attend 2 labs
from 8am - 10am
then went to simpang eat prata with jeremy, naku, isaac and hoe kin.
lols whole journey keep bullying isaac and hoe kin
hahas...
hoe kin is so gong, always dont think before he talk
so, always give people opportunity to shoot him lols
naku shoot him about all the racist things
lols super funny...
after that, played lan awhile...
so boring sia...no left 4 dead...damn sad sia
then walked to tanah merah to take bus 12 to downtown east E-Hub
to catch a movie
but the most important thing we went there was because of isaac lols
he wanted to meet a girl he likes who's working there...aww..
lols in the end tio shoot by me and naku LOLS
probably he felt sian and had low-self esteem oops lols
we're so bad, but it was super fun hahas
went to the girl's working place but she wasnt working that day
aww so sad...he was so depressed
lols
rub salt on open wounds =x
wakakaka
then went to coffee bean to slack
talk about alot of stuffs
that hoe kin and jeremy down there playing handphone games wth sia
got so fun meh...=.="
isaac was smsing the girl he likes trying to start a conversation lols
ask all the lame questions =.="
me and naku talk about girls and club lols
cool man...looking forward to go clubbing with him
:D
kekeke
see how happening it will be although the last time i went
it was a freaking letdown
told naku about my ke ai
lols... keep changing topics
so many things to talk about
lols...
after that, sian of coffee bean le then we
went to the arcade to check out the new MT3 DX
lols so different lols
but didnt play
after that they went smoke
then accompany them then watch movie IP man
wah lau always watching the movie i watch before
i so good, watch le still accompany my friends to watch...haix...
me and naku watch le, so we sit beside them and spoil their show LOLS
inside we talk talk talk lols until they buay tahan hahas
naku fights alot, so always have bruise on his hands
then the show also have lols then the IP man's wife help him apply medication
then naku say, "wah...how come no one do that for me..." lols
ke na sai so funny sia...
down there wanna laugh also cannot laugh...
after movie walked to white sands...then they go eat dinner at mac, i go clark quake
to meet my friends at The Central.
kns, ask me go there eat in the end
both of them, joyce and wei ting, eat liao
at TCC...
sian...go there, i only have a glass of ice water lols
too poor to afford =x
talk talk talk lor, catch up about our lives
woah, that's when i realised joyce understood me siol
damn surprising lols 2nd person sia...
after talking took mrt home...
haix...my past came back to haunt me...
went home that's where i quarrelled with my dad...
i was already feeling down liao
so i didnt felt like talking
kenasai, force me to talk...
didnt wanna make him angry...
but at that time...cant control myself...
so damn sad sia...zzz
if only i could make the wrongs, right...
after that, went to bathe and log on msn for awhile
no one online...then i went to bed super early...
dont wanna think about anything
but woke up in the middle of the night...
couldnt sleep after that...
so went up to my rooftop
lie down there
watch the skies
so long havent do this le
until the next morning...

Slept at 7am
then ke ai smsed me at around 8+ or 9+ am
sleepyheadedly replied her smses...
asked if i could meet her to pass her the thing i wanted to pass
but...she was gonna meet somebody else as well
so i said another time...
if only she knew what i really meant
or why was that so...
slacked at home doing nothing...
days became longer...
nights became shorter...
haix...
i cant get you out of my mind...

today school started at 9am
sianz...
skipped lecture at 9am to 10am lols
smsed ke ai in class lols...
oops
then school ended at 1pm =)
wee...
went to east point with naku and jeremy
to have our lunch and intro them to daniel and my gay buddy goel
lols hahas
so damn funny...
goel ask me to meet them at burger king
in the end they end up at pet safari wth siol lols
ate at burger king so darn funny
really talk cock siol
me and goel asked my poly friends why they smoke
lols they replied "that's a hard question to answer"
then we ask, "why is that a hard question to answer"
them - "that's a very different question"
us - "in what way is it difficult"
them - "some things are done with a reason"
us - "wrong, some things do not have a reason, like love"
us - "so why you smoke?"
lols super funny
ask until they really cannot answer
them - "because of the people we hang out with"
us - "but you hang out with travis, he's not a smoker , so why you smoke?"
them - "because it's a social activity, being a smoker, you can hang out with both smokers and non-smokers"
us - "wrong, cause everytime you go smoke, you'll pang seh the non-smokers, so isnt that not really a social activity? furthermore, you dont need to smoke to be able to socialise"
LOL
after the smoking "survey" continued eating until jason called
ask us to help him buy cig cause he hospitalised dont have cig with him
then i got goel to answer my phone to talk to him
damn funny...goel talked in a freaking stupid funny voice
bloody hell, jason keep asking us faster and also to buy his cigs lols
them goel told him he'll buy for them the $2.50 roll yourself cig LOLS
damn funny the way he talked super retarded
in the end, we really bought it lols
then hid the real cigs and visited him at changi general hospital(CGH)
went down with him so he could smoke, forced him to roll his own cig
which he does not know how
super uber comical hahas
goel was like "scolding" him lols damn funny
then jason is like super stressed cause he really wanna smoke but he got to roll first and he cant do it hahas...
talked about some stuffs then went home...
talked to my ke ai online...
then did something very nice...
handmade...
wanted to pass it to my ke ai but she could not come out to meet
haix...super depressing...
all the efforts like went down the drain
the feeling was shit man...
today was super depressing...
after what ke ai said also...
parents bbq, so ate that for dinner...
slept in the morning at around 7am bah
cause my friend ask me go lan...
played a new game called left 4 dead
lols quite fun siol =p
today, i've missed the chance of a lifetime
the smell of defeat filled the air
regrets and thoughts filled me
sian...

Travis, Eighteen
Something has been taken from deep inside of me.
A secret kept locked away no one can ever see.
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away.
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played.
Sometimes i remember the darkness of my past.
Brining back these memories i wish i didn't have.
Sometimes i think of letting go and never looking back.
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past.
All of the helplessness inside.
Pretending i don't feel misplaced.
Replacing this pain with something numb.
Facing all this pain here all alone.
If i could change, i would.
Take back the pain, i would.
Retrace every wrong move that i made, i would.
If i could stand up and take the blame, i would.
If i could take all the shame to the grave, i would.


The feeling of helplessness from my pasts.
And the things i've gone through once.
Are the things i'll never want my close ones to go through.
That's why i'm always trying to help my friends.
Mostly through their times of needs.
My actions do not have to be remembered by them.
Cause i'll be happy to see them able to move on.
It's natural for one to leave for the better.
Im just a friend's support.
That's all i want to be.
Noble or whatever nice words one can think of.
I dont wish to be classified as one.
Cause i dont wish to be remembered.
Picking them up from their darkest moments.
It's okay even if my intentions are stained.
Or if it's unappreciated.
What matters most is for each and every one of them to be happy.
When they no longer need me.
That's when i'll be gone.
After they leave.


★Sofu - Darling | My Darling.
★Cheryl Wong - Gan Ke Ai | The One I Care For Most
★Gzerrel Lee - My Best Friend(Gay Buddy) | Understands Me The Most. Knows Me From Inside Out.
★Stella Lew - Close Friend | Cares For Me Alot.
★Kitty - Gan Precious | Cares For Me Alot.
★Chanelle - Bah Kua | My Entertaining Bak Kwa Friend.
★Xu Qing - Friend | Cares For Me Alot. Always Calls Me BoyBoy...
★Jason Lim - Close Friend | Shares Experience With Me.
★Joyce Lim - Quite Close Friend | Shares The Same Past And Mindset.
★Sherylene Suen - Gan Nu Er | Shares Stories.
★Kifer Lau - Gan Nu Er | Shares Stories.
★Rusky Wong - My Good Doggie Boi | Rest In Peace.


Ah Boon
Donavan
Nakulesh
Shaun Chan
Jeremiah Neo
Cherine Fong
Amanda Tan
Isaac Sim
Jeremy Liu
Eugene Foo
Louis Tan
Daniel Tan
Qing Gui
Por Weiting
Kia Heng
Brian
Chris Ng




XiaoDai(Ke Ai)
Kitty(Precious)
ChoyYih(Nu Er)
Liping(Nu Er)
Chanelle(Bak Kwa)
Amanda(XinGan)
Isaac(Smurf)
Jacq
Alexis
Veron
Kimmi
Sam
CookieMonster


June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009


Isabel
Amanda
Cheryl
★Sofu


This Fucking Thing Is All Personality!
I Think Rock And Roll Is Really Funny When It's Serious.
Dont Hate Me Cause I Pretend To Be Happy.
Dont Hate Me Cause Im Miserable.
Dont Hate Me If I Make You Smile,
Or If I Go The Extra Mile To Make You Feel Better On A Really Shitty Day.
And If You're Hearing What Im Saying,
Then I Want You To Say, "Im Gay!" Say, "Im Gay!"
Put Your Left Hand Over Your Heart And Repeat After Me.
It's Perfectly Fine To Be A Happy Individual.
Isnt That Nice? Very Nice.
That's Right Ladies And Gentleman!
Pick Up The Phone. Cause Travis Is On The Line.
And You Dont Have To Be Sad Anymore.
We Can All Join Hands And Do Ring Around.
In Fact, Can We Get Some LA LAs Up In Here?!
Yo!, Where My LA LAs At??! La La-La La, La-La La-La La La La La





Acoustic Guitar
Variax Microphone
New Dog
Lip Piercing
Car License
A Car
My Own Band
New Watch
New Shoes
New Shorts
New Hoodies
New Sunglasses
New Specs
New Hairstyle
New Bag
Highlight Hair
Contact Lens
Sony Bravia Tv
5.1 Stereo/Home-Theatre System
Renovated Room
Self-Composed Songs
Holiday With My Friends
Learn Snowboarding Tricks
Learn Surfing
Cheryl...(I'll Never Be Able To Have You.)


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