It's Our Last Goodnight
You Still Dont Know Im Leaving
It's Our Last Goodnight
You're Asleep And Dreaming
And You Wont Know
That I Mean Well
And It's Tearing Me Apart
It's Our Last Goodnight
Tomorrow I'll Be Leaving Before Dawn...

went out to study...
haix...
till now, i've not sms ke ai yet...
kept thinking if i should...
and kept checking my phone if she did...
why am i doing such things...
sigh...
evening she smsed me if i was okay...
but i didnt know what or how to tell her...
so many things running through my mind...
so many things that i cant say...
it's smothering me...
i dont want to make her sad...
could she understand...
argh...

went down to study at arif's house
near tampinese mart if that's what it's called
studied, slacked and played soccer with some young chaps
5 of my friends, including me, vs 8 of them...
wth??
played barefooted
and got my feet injured...
my hand got a cut...
and my ass bruised when i was doing my amazing high foot skill
and one kid knock into me...
the next second...i was lying on the floor
zzz...ass hurts so much
smsed ke ai...
then she started to talk about bi...
sigh..
for some reason, it affected me alot
practially my friends could see the change in my mood and facial expression...
zzz...
smoked quite alot...
and felt like being alone...
so i told ke ai that i wanted to be alone...

damn...
got my exam results today
through the school's website
totally disappointed
haix...
failed two subjects...
edev and emaths2
wtf la...
depressed...

[7th]Flight's in the morning...at 10+am on
a SIA Boeing 777-200ER aircraft
woots hahas! i know >.<
can bare to leave...especially my ke ai...
haix...
off to the airport at 8am
everything's packed and done...
checked in our bags
and hang out with dad and grandmom for awhile more
9+am, entered the departure area...
said goodbye to dad and grandmom...
when scanning our hand-held bags...
for some reason...i turned and took a glance at the outside crowd...
hoping to see a familiar face...which would never appear there...
at that point of time...i really wanted to see her...
but that's impossible...
rushed to the plane...and smsed ke ai...
and off the plane took off...
touch down in thailand at 12pm+
took private cab to the hotel - holiday inn salom
checked in, changed our clothes and off we go to the shopping mall
first mall to crash was MBK mall :)
ate KFC for lunch...uber cheap...
got a chiobu keep looking at me =.=" wth?
lameeeee...
ate and went upstairs to start hunting for stuffs
ahahahaha
shop till around 8-9pm
damn tired...havent sat down yet...
bought, jacket, shirt, specs, a pants, presents for joyce, weiting and goel
:D wahaha
went back to the hotel by public cab. mom and sis pang seh me when i was bathing...pff
they went to the streets to walk...so me chill in the hotel, eat cup noodles for dinner and watch tv
and smsed ke ai...
they came back and got invited to watch some sex and stripping show...LOLS
but they didnt got, just got pestered by some unknown dude.
haha, heng i didnt go :D
[8th]Woke up at around 9+am
cab down to the flea market
woah super big sia...
and the weather was f***ing hot...
made some wood thingy for our house..
bought some shirt, a pants and ke ai a bag :D
woots
cab back to MBK...
had chineseeeee fooood for lunch at a restaurant
shop again...bought shirts, converse hi-cut white leather shoe!! and got a haircut there...LOLS...
wanted to get some jeans but i was way to skinny to even fit into their smallest size Pff...
bought chicken fried rice back to the hotel to eat lols...took the toot toot cab! lols...so dangerous...
slacked, watched tv, smsed ke ai...
[9th]woke up around 10+am
cabbed down to paragon...
ate vietnum noodles
bought hankies LOL dunno why i buy them...when i dont use HAHA
bought ke ai panda cookies haha
didnt really buy anything from paragon cause it's a high-end place
and everything is genuine slightly cheaper than singapore only...
ate chicken rice too, and there were super alot of sissys holy shit...
i hope they were not attracted to me...eek...
walked to siam square, bought a bag, 5 t-shirts and a belt and 1 panda t-shirt for ke ai :)
then walked to MBK again hahas...bought another pants, t-shirts and a wallet for ke ai
hopefully she likes them all...
bought chicken fried rice and ate in the hotel by cab again haha!
smsed ke ai...slacked and watched tv
[10th]woke up at around 7+am...changed and packed our lugguage
checked out and took public cab to the airport...
airport service sucks like hell...
money changer also super far...
checked in our lugguage after doing the tax rebate thingy
walked around...had sandwiches...
and back to singapore...

~ it seems like everything i do...i kept thinking of you...i dunno why...although i thought this trip could make me stop thinking of you for awhile...i guess...it didnt...so afraid what i bought for you, you would not like them...that gave me a hard time choosing what to buy...and my mom thought you were my girlfriend......this trip made me listen a song...

There's so many reasons that I find to run to you
Cause there's so little loving in my life now I'm away
And thinking about it, I want things how they should be
Cause there's no way around it, nothing good comes easily
So much between us and we both know that it's wrong
So I keep on waiting till I'm where I belong
So here I am all by myself thinking of you nobody else
There is a feeling inside and as hard as I try it just won't go away
Are you finding it hard it all on your own
Having to face each night alone
Knowing you are the one with the love that I need
And I miss you more each day
So many feelings emotions running away with me
Cause it's you I believe in and my love that runs so deep
So much between us and we both know that it's wrong
Now I keep on waiting till I'm where I feel I belong
So here I am all by myself thinking of you nobody else
There is a feeling inside and as hard as I try it just won't go away
Are you finding it hard all on your own
Having to face each night alone
Knowing you are the one with the love that I need
And I miss you more each day

Yesterday ke ai fell sick :(
haix...hope she get well soon...
if only it was me who fell sick instead of her...
anyways...today, ke ai's alone at home
bought food for her.
sick liao still wanna eat maggie D:
cabbed down and bought food
slacked with her for awhile
cause she had tuition later in the evening
after that...trained down to simei to meet my friends
played tai di, win all the way lols
they all pek cek.
then ate dinner and simei east point had some event
about some chinese singer so super crowded.
alot of girls though O.O
bused home after eating then played dota till around 4am
tomorrow got to leave to Thailand liao...haix...left 4 hours to sleep... D:
plane's leaving at 10am+ tomorrow...
cant bare to leave ke ai...haix

Went out with joyce and weiting at 3pm...
took train to changi airport.
went to popeye's and ate
for like 2hours? i think
talk alot of stuffs...
then went to see planes lols
at T3 and T2.
mom bought tickets to thailand already...
2 more days i'll be back here again
but this time leaving on the plane.
sigh. feels so weird
not even sure if im looking forward to it or not...
feels so wrong...after that...went to EHub for dinner
at pastamania at downtown east.
so boring...wanted to go bowling but it was pack...
so cabbed home after that...
everything feels so wrong...
was hoping this short holiday could stop me from thinking of her.
but somehow...the feeling inside feels so miserable...
maybe this is a test for me...
but im very sure...i'll miss her alot...

felt like im not myself lately...
haix...it seems like my wish will never come true
my life's a fairytale faded black.
havent been talking to ke ai much these few days
i seemed to be loss for words
if only she knew what's on my mind
she feels alone...haix
maybe i meant nothing...
maybe i was just a ghost...
after all the things done...perhaps it was for nothing...
how much it hurts...to hear something like that...
now that he's back, things are gonna change...
maybe it was time i go.
night feels so much longer...
sleepless nights everyday...
just went to bnet to accompany my friend...
till 6am everyday...
you said...you didnt want me to hide anything from you...
but i've hidden words that was meant for you
whatever it is...i wish you knew...

Went out at night for dinner with jason and gzerrel
at simpang. slacked and ate...
8plus pm. jason pulled me along to go clubbing
rained super heavily when walking to the train station
all wet... took a bus to the train station instead
smsed ke ai.
glad to hear she's fine.
took cab from tanah merah station to st james powerhouse.
travelling journey, jason talked to me about relationships.
hmm... i wish i could be like him. doing what he said so easily
getting almost all the girls he wanted.
but im not like that...
maybe it's too late...
appreciate those advices you gave me bro...
some things are easier said than done...
some things just doesnt go the way you want it to
reached st james. it was still raining.
taxi driver let us off outside...
so walked in in the rain...
went in for free. there was free-flow of alcohol till 11pm
dunno why...today feel so shitty.
just wanted to get drunk...
choing 4-5 cups of alcohol. cranberry vodka.
but still so sober...
didnt wanna go club actually...
jason entertained his friends...so me just sit there sms ke ai.
3 girls at around 4 guys.
the girls said i was so anti-social
haix. what you expect me to say =.="
dots...
just talked alittle.
smoked like 6-8 sticks cause of that twit jason...
dunno how many smoking breaks he wants
pff...i was not suppose to smoke you ass!
played drinking game awhile then went to the dance floor
somehow...i didnt felt like dancing or doing anything
just lean against the wall and watched them.
grinding here and there.
haix...wished ke ai was here with me...
okay, wake up man that aint gonna happen.
then just move here and there. so many people as time flies
so cramp, had to squeeze through the crowd.
got grinded by jason's friend who's a girl. WTF...
zzz...cant move back...got a stupid wall. cant move side
got people...cant move front...she's like THERE!.
zzz...adjusted myself to minimized physical contact.
moved away from them, went to another side.
got grinded by another 20+ girl wtf...
wanna dance then dance la...wah lau
already feeling so sad le...wanna kajiao me.
stand there do nothing also cannot.
jason and his friends kept asking me to dance pff...
then a song played. reminded me of xingan.
cause she put the same song in her blog before
argh, fuck that shit. of all the songs, play that
smoked. felt like going home. was like 3am + already
got caught between one of jason's girl friend and jason
pff...argue then argue la...pull me in for what...
jason and his bro wanna pang seh her lol...
and she grab my hand...so im stuck there...
and they had to turn back to save me =.="
being a nice and neutral guy is so hard...
cabbed home...sms ke ai...haix...bathed and slept...

me hungry!!! where's me foooooood...=(

holiday le...today gonna meet ke ai after she finish school
then dad extra in the morning
ask me go out eat lunch...
haix...
went to vivo for lunch
walked around awhile
then ke ai say dont feel like coming out le...
zzz...
then she had problems with her computer
after a while...aiya, i go pei her bah...
then called jeremy...cause he was at sentosa
ask him if he wanna share cig
cause i dont want ke ai smoke so much
i want her to quit...
but...i doubt she will...haix
slack awhile
and jeremy held me back
that twit say he gonna meet me straight away
in the end delay delay delay
make me make ke ai wait =(
TWIT!
in the train shoot him until he was hoping for the train
to reach the station ASAP LOLS.
then went back home...online and dota-ed
[26th Feb]you said...you like me to know everything
and that im the first to always pop out from your head.
appreciate it alots...somehow that made me happy...
for some reason...but that happiness couldnt last
after what happened...haix

Damn...exam exam exam and....more....EXAMS!
zzz
everyday from monday till thursday
go school nearby de macdonald's at around 9am?
eat and study until around 12-1pm plus
then go school and slack lols
talk cock wait for paper to start
go in start then do paper for one hour then leave LOLS
all four papers only use 1 hours =p
ahaha
then after that message ke ai whole day bah
then go home...and it repeats for all for days
sian sia! like routine like that...zzzz
got some paper dunno if can make it anot
hope i dont need take sub-paper T.T

Travis, Eighteen
Something has been taken from deep inside of me.
A secret kept locked away no one can ever see.
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away.
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played.
Sometimes i remember the darkness of my past.
Brining back these memories i wish i didn't have.
Sometimes i think of letting go and never looking back.
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past.
All of the helplessness inside.
Pretending i don't feel misplaced.
Replacing this pain with something numb.
Facing all this pain here all alone.
If i could change, i would.
Take back the pain, i would.
Retrace every wrong move that i made, i would.
If i could stand up and take the blame, i would.
If i could take all the shame to the grave, i would.


The feeling of helplessness from my pasts.
And the things i've gone through once.
Are the things i'll never want my close ones to go through.
That's why i'm always trying to help my friends.
Mostly through their times of needs.
My actions do not have to be remembered by them.
Cause i'll be happy to see them able to move on.
It's natural for one to leave for the better.
Im just a friend's support.
That's all i want to be.
Noble or whatever nice words one can think of.
I dont wish to be classified as one.
Cause i dont wish to be remembered.
Picking them up from their darkest moments.
It's okay even if my intentions are stained.
Or if it's unappreciated.
What matters most is for each and every one of them to be happy.
When they no longer need me.
That's when i'll be gone.
After they leave.


★Sofu - Darling | My Darling.
★Cheryl Wong - Gan Ke Ai | The One I Care For Most
★Gzerrel Lee - My Best Friend(Gay Buddy) | Understands Me The Most. Knows Me From Inside Out.
★Stella Lew - Close Friend | Cares For Me Alot.
★Kitty - Gan Precious | Cares For Me Alot.
★Chanelle - Bah Kua | My Entertaining Bak Kwa Friend.
★Xu Qing - Friend | Cares For Me Alot. Always Calls Me BoyBoy...
★Jason Lim - Close Friend | Shares Experience With Me.
★Joyce Lim - Quite Close Friend | Shares The Same Past And Mindset.
★Sherylene Suen - Gan Nu Er | Shares Stories.
★Kifer Lau - Gan Nu Er | Shares Stories.
★Rusky Wong - My Good Doggie Boi | Rest In Peace.


Ah Boon
Donavan
Nakulesh
Shaun Chan
Jeremiah Neo
Cherine Fong
Amanda Tan
Isaac Sim
Jeremy Liu
Eugene Foo
Louis Tan
Daniel Tan
Qing Gui
Por Weiting
Kia Heng
Brian
Chris Ng




XiaoDai(Ke Ai)
Kitty(Precious)
ChoyYih(Nu Er)
Liping(Nu Er)
Chanelle(Bak Kwa)
Amanda(XinGan)
Isaac(Smurf)
Jacq
Alexis
Veron
Kimmi
Sam
CookieMonster


June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009


Isabel
Amanda
Cheryl
★Sofu


This Fucking Thing Is All Personality!
I Think Rock And Roll Is Really Funny When It's Serious.
Dont Hate Me Cause I Pretend To Be Happy.
Dont Hate Me Cause Im Miserable.
Dont Hate Me If I Make You Smile,
Or If I Go The Extra Mile To Make You Feel Better On A Really Shitty Day.
And If You're Hearing What Im Saying,
Then I Want You To Say, "Im Gay!" Say, "Im Gay!"
Put Your Left Hand Over Your Heart And Repeat After Me.
It's Perfectly Fine To Be A Happy Individual.
Isnt That Nice? Very Nice.
That's Right Ladies And Gentleman!
Pick Up The Phone. Cause Travis Is On The Line.
And You Dont Have To Be Sad Anymore.
We Can All Join Hands And Do Ring Around.
In Fact, Can We Get Some LA LAs Up In Here?!
Yo!, Where My LA LAs At??! La La-La La, La-La La-La La La La La





Acoustic Guitar
Variax Microphone
New Dog
Lip Piercing
Car License
A Car
My Own Band
New Watch
New Shoes
New Shorts
New Hoodies
New Sunglasses
New Specs
New Hairstyle
New Bag
Highlight Hair
Contact Lens
Sony Bravia Tv
5.1 Stereo/Home-Theatre System
Renovated Room
Self-Composed Songs
Holiday With My Friends
Learn Snowboarding Tricks
Learn Surfing
Cheryl...(I'll Never Be Able To Have You.)


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